Hello, its been awhile, and I have to say, with everything that's been going on, I almost completely forgot about this site.
Im in 3rd year right now, and half way done, 6 months away from junior internship, and dead tired already.
These past 6 months have been crazy hard, like 2nd year times a bazillion. Your mind and body are both stretched to their limits until you start breaking down.
Considering that our profession is all about health, a large number of us med students are very very unhealthy. I got sick so many times this year that I've had progressive migraines that would last for days, everyday nausea, stress, gastritis, flu like symptoms, dengue, dishidrotic eczema, Polycystic ovarian syndrome, a viral flu that caused me to break out into these really weird rashes on my hands and feet...
And all this time, I was thinking...what the hell is going on??
***I know its wrong but, this is a blog, and I have to be honest with the things I say, hahahahaha...
I started reading up on my symptoms, trying to diagnose, manage, and treat myself. And just to make sure, I would follow up at the college clinic to make sure that I wasnt just making up stuff about my illness. What surprised me the most was that even the doctors that checked up on me werent always a 100% sure of what I had. One diagnosed me with German Measles, and I was completely freaking out because the weekend before that, I attended a family reunion and was exposed to kids of all ages, and 2 pregnant ladies. (German measles is highly contagious, and absolutely dangerous to the pregnant women since it can cause abnormalities and even death to the fetus). Additional psychological stress. The doctor made me undergo a blood test just to double check. As I was wandering through the corridors of the hospital, I became extremely wary of my surroundings, looking out for other kids, and pregnant women so that I wouldnt spread the measles around. It took me 2 hours of waiting before I got another doctor to check me yet again.
I cant explain to you how relieved I was when the doctor said I had some kind of viral flu, or two that caused me to break out into two different rashes, and was possibly caused by dengue also. I didnt know it was possible, but they said I was doing better, and all I had to do was rest, increase my intake of fluids, and drink the occasional paracetamol if I didnt feel well. Now imagine that kind of experience with your patient.
Then with the different illnesses, you start getting really psychologically disturbed, annoyed, and depressed about whats going on with you. Thats the crazy thing with getting sick. At one point, I think i had some kind of gastritis or something, it felt like I was being punched in the stomach every 5 minutes, ( i think this was after a very stressful hell week or something) I got the wind knocked out of me, and I could barely stand up. As I was curled up in the fetal position in my dorm, I was thinking, shucks, Im dying because of stress, what a way to be a doctor.
You may be thinking, why didnt I just ask help from my friends at the dorm, or go to the hospital to have myself checked, well, I did. And there was little that they could do to keep me symptom free. They did give me meds, prescriptions, changing meds, self medication, everything.
At that moment in time, you start to see how valuable your health is to you. And you start thinking yet again...at my level, with most of the things I learned already about medicine, and I still feel this panic at not being able to control my own health, how would it feel for the regular patient who has suddenly been stricken down by an undetermined illness or disease?
If I was in their position, I would be frickin down right scared. I'd fear form my life, my health, my family, my job, and everything else.
Then I remembered. This will be my future job. Its not just about prescribing the drugs, listing down different diagnostic tests for the patient to spend thouands of pesos on, and get rich at the end of the day.
You are treating a person. A person with fears for his/her life, a person with several family members relying on them, and becoming uncertain about their future because the head of their family is sick with something they have no control over.
In these moments that the med student/ doctor becomes the patient, you realize, sh*t... I need to study more.
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